I hate furries.

I seriously cannot believe how good this show is, Beastars. It kept popping up everywhere and I watched a little to see what’s up, and now I’m hooked.

By using the allegory of being a beast in civilized society and the differences some people have due to their biology, the levels of story and meaning to this are like a fractal.

We have a wolf as a hero. He’s tall, strong, fast and seriously powerful. He’s hunched up all the time in an attempt to appear weaker than he really is, hesitant to make any move whatsoever, and we listen to his monologue constantly. He cannot talk to girls, works in the theatre department but does the lights, so he’s out of the spotlight, and respects and understands the star of the show, a deer who acts like a carnivore but his own body’s limitations slow him down.

And here’s the big fluffy romance part. Legoshi, the wolf in Beastars, falls in love with a tiny promiscuous bunny. I love the fact that she’s basically sleeping around because that’s her nature. She can’t help it, that’s how bunnies are. The agony of Legoshi talking to her felt real to me.

I told you that the levels of nuance are insane.

People don’t get that it’s hard being a man sometimes. As a straight white male with a bit of an artistic vein in me, I never seemed to fit in with the football players and the other crews. This is what it’s like being a teenager, being like a wolf. You have urges, you have all this strength in your body, but if you have a couple of brain cells to rub together you can see that it’s pointless to get into a fight or struggle with the ‘alpha males’ for perceived dominance over the girls.

The wolf in Beastars gets himself into a lot of tough situations, and every single time he’s struggling to figure out how to deescalate the situation, thinking frantically about different actions and outcomes. I’ve done that exact same thing. I’ve let bullies go thinking they’ve won by not giving them what they wanted, which was a reaction out of me. There are people with their original set of teeth walking around out there because I kept my cool and saw the futility of fighting. I could take them, I was sure I could. At the very least I’d bash their skulls in. But like the wolf, I rose above my base instincts, this is a civilised society we live in after all, and didn’t let my dick or my ego dictate the way.

Just to list a few people who I’ve held back towards and not maimed nor murdered where they stood flapping their stupid gums at me:

-School bully in Cyprus who kept calling me a woman, for some reason. I’m sure he was a closeted homosexual himself and he got tired after a few months when I gave him no reaction.

-Highschool bully in Greece who threatened to beat up a friend of mine with his friends. I deescalated and he walked away with his buddies thinking he won. He’s probably getting his liver destroyed by booze or something these days.

-Highschool bullies who made a videotape of me dancing in a nightclub, circulating it and making fun of me. That hurt, and one of my supposed friends watched it and laughed at me instead of defending me. At least we didn’t have social media back then.

-University friend of a girlfriend who casually told me to my face that he wanted to cum on my glasses. No, I didn’t kick his face in, because he probably had mental issues and that would be bad, George.

-Random tourist in Athens who kept shouting that I was fat, while I kept ignoring him. No, I didn’t grab my hammer out of the trunk and bash his fingers on the sidewalk. Bravo, George. +5000 good place points, minus 4900 because you imagined it in HD.

-Highschool classmates who made fun of me in a high school reunion group chat because I left the Facebook chat while saying nothing. They kept inviting me in till I blocked them all. Every time I could see what they were saying about me, they didn’t care. These were grown men and women with kids now. One wannabe-actor-nobody made a meme out of my face. Again, my reaction was absolutely nothing. The faggot changed sidewalks when he walked past me the next day. I guess you’re only tough when you’re online with your mates.

I’ve been bullied, and I’ve bullied others. Just like most people I think. I’ve acted meekly towards girls I liked, and I’ve acted bad towards other ones. I’ve changed those sexist ways now and grown as a person. I know that my struggles are nothing when compared to minorities or people with disabilities or simply those that are women. I know. “Boo hoo, that big white man has troubles, well let me tell you about what I go through.”

I know. It’s hard to put yourself in other people’s shoes. Everyone is going through their own struggle in life, be it large or small. That rich kid that you think has it all is craving for some simple attention from his dad, things that cannot be purchased with a credit card. That pretty girl you are jealous of, has to fend off sexual predators all her life, has probably been sexually harassed before she was 16 by a family member or a close friend, and has to plan her nightly routes like an attack pattern just to get home safely.

And yes, even a big white man has to hold back and think things through many times a day. The struggle is real, and you can’t ever hide the fangs and the muscle completely.

Oh, and happy birthday to me.

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