That’s No Dinosaur Egg!

“Ta-da!” Hammond announced and placed the egg on the table.
John choked down a freak-out. “What the hell is that?”
“It’s a dinosaur egg,” Hammond announced, puffing his chest.
“Where did you get such a thing?” The egg was indeed very large, with weird lumps on it. It was nothing like John had ever seen.
His husband sighed theatrically. “On eBay, of course…”
“And why did you buy it?” John squealed.
Hammond shrugged. “I dunno. I liked it, I guess.”
“This can’t possibly be a dinosaur egg,” John pointed at the thing.
“But it is. It’s from a Chinese biotech company, they engineered a dinosaur and made an egg,” Hammond said, putting his fingers between each other, mimicking a mixing process.
John lifted his chin. “Oh,” he managed to squeal in a whisper. “That can’t be good.”
Hammond pfted. “Come on, baby. You worry too much.”
“Because you don’t worry enough!”
“I’m going for a run.” Hammond stormed out of the living room, leaving John alone with the ugly egg. He had propped it up in the middle of the table on top a scrunched up scarf. John had bought his husband that scarf, now it would get a smell.
Ugh…
John brought a towel from the kitchen, touched the egg with disgust on the top to keep it straight and replaced the scarf. “Ugh, it’s warm…” he said, pushing the towel around it.
Really, Hammond had overdone it this time. Genetically engineered eggs? What was he thinking?
They had been married for sixteen years, and if you added them living together before the law changed you got to a round twenty. Both middle-aged, eating organic, healthy and going to the gym or out for a jog, they were rather fabulous, if John might say. They both had gray hair but instead of dyeing it, they let it au naturelle. It was the fashionable thing to do.
And in those twenty years Hammond had never stopped being a complete child.
John shook his head and went to the bedroom, trying to calm himself down. He put on an episode on Netflix, wore his pajamas and tucked himself in bed. As soon as he felt sleepy, he put on his night mask and let the streaming run on its own for background noise.

He dreamt of shells cracking, that distinctive sound of something pushing through from inside the egg, trying to get out. Getting free.
He pushed himself up, his heart pounding. He pushed his sleeping mask on top of his head. Hammond hadn’t slept beside him, he was a pouty man. Every time they had a fight, he would go and sleep on the couch by himself. John tried a lot of things over the years, but finally settled on a strategy that could be summarized as, ‘Leave him alone until he gets over it.’
Worked every time.
John grabbed a spatula from the kitchen and slowly, carefully, snuck to the living room.
There were noises all right.
The loud snoring was coming from Hammond, he’d never mistake that for anything else. And there was something else…
That breaking sound.
He turned on the lights. Hammond was a heavy sleeper, he wouldn’t wake up from the lights alone.
John turned to the table, and to his horror saw a crack on the egg.
Crack!
It got bigger.
He screamed.
“Ugh… What the hell?” Hammond said, waking up.
John pointed at the egg. “It-It’s coming out!”
“What, no… The website said it would take at least six months for the dinosaur to be born.”
“It’s not a fucking dinosaur!” John shouted at him, waving the spatula around.
And then the egg cracked and a tentacle shot out of the hole, squishy and sticky with some kind of mucous.
“Ahhh!” the couple screamed in unison but they couldn’t move from their spot.
The tentacle writhed in the air, moved around to feel his surroundings, knocked over the candle holders and sent John’s Swarovski on the floor, smashed in shiny bits. “Oh, no…” John cried out. He took a step closer but jerked right back to his husband when the tentacle moved around in the air and felt the spot he had just vacated.
“Eww,” Hammond said.
“You say?” John said with sass, turning to him.
“That’s not what the website showed. I got a cute little dinosaur, a herbivore.”
“Hammond, for the last time. That’s not a dinosaur.”
“I can see that!” Hammond said and made a face as they both watched the tentacle sploshing all over their furniture.
John cried out, “This is a mess…”
“No, don’t worry babe, I can fix this,” Hammond said, grabbing the spatula from his hand. He inspected it for a moment, then went for it. He slapped the tentacle around a few times. “There, you naughty, squishy… Thing.”
The tentacle retracted back into the egg.
Hammond turned to his husband, looking smug. “See? I got it.”
John saw the tentacle explore once again. He wanted to scream but couldn’t move, he just let his mouth hang and made a chocked little whimper. “Aaa…”
“What?” Hammond said, still acting like a hero. He turned around, just in time to see the tentacle going for a rematch. He slapped it away with the spatula and pushed John away. “Move, baby, run!”
John started to run. He was wearing slippers and his pajamas were nothing like his running kit but he ran.
The couple got to the bedroom and Hammond shut the door behind them.
“What do we do?” John whispered, feeling terrified.
“Uh… Let’s just leave it alone. Perhaps it’ll get bored and get back in the egg? Or, perhaps it’ll just go out the window.”
John slapped his shoulder. “What the fuck are you saying? Did you even leave a window open?”
“Uh… Yes! I did, it was hot and I opened up the one in the corner before I fell asleep.”
John frowned. “This is a stupid plan, but I don’t see what other option we have.”
Hammond winced. “Yeah… Sorry about that, baby.”
“It’s okay,” John whispered, breathing out. “Just don’t get us killed by a tentacle monster.”
“I’ll try not to,” Hammond said. “I gotta push it away.” He got to his feet.
“No!” John cried out and immediately chocked out the sound. “It could be dangerous.”
Hammond kissed him. “It’s okay. But lock the door behind me.” He opened the door and went into the living room.
John locked the door, feeling like a wimp. But he was never the courageous one, even when they announced their relationship he let Hammond say the actual words to John’s parents. John couldn’t get them out of his mouth.
He flinched when he heard crashing sounds. Knowing his husband extremely well, he’d have grabbed a chair and was playing the lion tamer.
He heard a familiar crunch. Yup, that was the light stand. His favorite one, he could just tell. Oh, he was gonna kill Hammond. Hrmph! But not now, after this mess was over.
Then he heard some squishy sounds.
“Ah, you slimy bastard!” Hammond voice came muffled through the door. “You’re not what I ordered.”
John was worried, biting his nails. A bad habit that took him many years to give up.
“Take that, you bitch. Aha!” Hammond shouted after a heavy thud. Perhaps he got it? John should wait a bit.
There was no noise.
Then he heard the front door unlock. The tentacle monster couldn’t unlock doors, could it?
The shuffling of garbage bags… Some dragging sounds. Mild cursing, that was Hammond…
And steps coming back inside.
The door handle on the bedroom turned. Someone tried to push inside.
“Hammond?” John whimpered.
“Yeah, who else would it be? Open up.”
John opened the door and found his husband on the other side. “Oh, you got me worried there.” He hurried up and hugged him. He looked at his own hands. “Eww, you’re all sticky and filthy.”
Hammond chuckled. “Yeah. But I won.”
“That you did,” John said with a sultry tone, raising an eyebrow. “Ugh, I wanted to kiss you but you stink. Go take a shower.”
“Alright.”

They had amazing sex that night. It was all the adrenaline, the fear of death, something primal. John didn’t really care what the reason was, all he knew was that they hadn’t had so much fun in bed for a decade.
Relationships simply go stale, no matter how much you try and how much you love each other. It was a sad fact, but a fact nonetheless.
John stretched his arms and grumbled, feeling rested. He hadn’t even put the sleeping mask on, he was so tired after all the commotion and the amazing lovemaking afterwards.
Hammond turned on his other side, facing him.
John kissed him deeply.
“Hm?” Hammond grumbled. “Come on, let me sleep a bit. I fought an ugly monster last night.”
“I know,” John cooed and reach down his husband’s crotch. What he found there excited him even more. Morning wood was always his favorite. “That’s why I want to thank you.”
“I’m tired,” Hammond complained, his eyes shut.
“It’s okay. Just relax and let me take care of you.”
John blew his husband. He had a magnificent cock, and he loved the feel of it. He never got tired of exploring it, even though he knew every last inch of it quite thoroughly.
He sucked the tip, licked the shaft, fondled his balls, all the usual stuff that made his husband quite excited.
Then, he smacked his lips together. “You taste sticky,” John said, tasting it around.
Hammond just groaned, half asleep.
John shrugged and went back to work, putting his husband’s cock all the way in his mouth.
He felt something weird with his tongue. Something rubbery. Had they put on a condom last night? No, they didn’t need to, they trusted each other completely. They loved each other.
John pulled his mouth away from the blowjob and looked at Hammond’s cock in the dim light.
When he saw the tentacle coming out of the hole at the tip, he screamed.

The End.