Chris liked to point out the obvious. Perhaps that was why someone was currently trying to kill him at that moment.
It was a nice Sunday morning. The sun was bright, the birds were singing and the chainsaw came rattling through the locked door.
Grnng! It cut through the wooden door like… well like a chainsaw through a thin wooden door. Chris squealed and covered his eyes from the flying splinters.
“I’m coming in, Chris!” Delta yelled through the door. “I’m coming in to slap you, hard.”
“Slapping is fine,” Chris squealed. “It’s the chainsaw I’m worried about.”
“Stop pointing out the obvious!” Delta shouted, annoyed. He stopped sawing the door for a moment to express his emotions, grunted once, then resumed.
The door did not stand up for long.
Delta walked inside, kicking the remaining bits like a killer in a teenager slasher film.
“Wow, you’re really scary…” Chris said, looking terrified in the corner of the room. It was a kid’s room, complete with toys and posters and a small castle. Left around for decades, everything had that retro look on them. Clean, but so out of style.
Delta let his head hang, sighed audibly and turned off the chainsaw. He let it drop with a heavy thud next to his legs. Then he opened his arms, raising his palms up in an apologetic gesture. “Look. I’m sorry, but you drive me crazy sometimes. I-I didn’t mean to scare you like this.” He turned and showed the remains of the door.
“Well, you did scare me,” Chris said, looking more confident. He stood up from his hidey-hole behind the bed. He sniffed and straightened his shirt. “But I accept your apology. I know that I’m too much to handle sometimes.”
He walked timidly around the kid’s bed and then avoided the sunlight streaking in from the window.
“This place is empty. Can we go now?” Delta asked, his mood shifting into non-lethal gear.
Chris looked around. “Yeah, that seems to be the case.”
Delta came closer, looking around the room. He stepped into the sunlight.
Then his pants started to catch fire.
“Dammit!” he cried out, trying to put the fire out with a teddy bear he found lying around. It did not help at all.
“You’re on fire,” Chris said, pointing at it but otherwise doing nothing.
“Argh!” Delta grunted like an animal and picked up the chainsaw again. He fired it up, the revving making a very loud noise in the small room.
“Oh, not again!” Chris yelped and started running around the room as Delta chased him with the chainsaw. He hopped on the bed, Delta sawed off the bedpost, he hopped on the nightstand, Delta sawed off the corner, he hopped on the castle, Delta cut it in half.
Then Chris swerved and went for the ruined door. He almost made it, but his pants got caught up in the splinters, they were very spiky. “Ow! No…”
Delta leered at him, his tongue sticking from the side of his mouth while he held the chainsaw up high.
Then he brought it down, sawing Chris in half.
There was blood everywhere. But not as much as you’d expect.
Chris’ top half fell outside the kid’s room. He pushed himself up and propped himself on the wall. Delta stepped out of the sawed-off door again and turned off the chainsaw.
Chris looked up at him, grunting. “Happy now? You’ve cut me in half, you know that?”
Delta touched the tip of his nose. “Chris. What have I told you about pointing out the obvious?”
Chris sneered. “The sun is on fire?” He shrugged, which was awkward since he was supporting his torso on his arms so he fell to the side.
“Argh!” Delta grunted in annoyance and left him there.
Chris raised his chin and his voice too. “Going for some blood? Get me some, I’ll need it to regenerate!”
Delta cursed in Ancient Egyptian and walked around the corner, out of sight.
“It’s still sunny outside. Will you wait it out?” Chris shouted, gurgling some blood. He wasn’t sure if he was still around.
“Obviously, dammit!” Delta shouted back.
There was a long pause.
“It’s still morning…” Chris said.
No reply.
Another pause. “It’s gonna take hours for the sun to come down.”
No reply.
“Wanna come hang out with me, at least?” Chris asked all hopeful.

See also  Reprogram the President

The End.

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