“Snakes with lasers?” Park whined. They were both in their underpants.
“Yup,” Adrian said, opening the crate with their gear.
Park reached inside and lifted his smartsuit from it, then held it up. It didn’t seem to fit his size. “This is too large for me.”
Adrian slapped his head. “You moron. They’re adaptive. Look.” He picked up his own and slid his legs in, then his arms. The seam in his back closed up on its own and with a fart, the suit tightened on him.
“Oh, right.” Park wore his own suit and it did the same, but it seemed his farted louder.
“Hello, Park,” the suit said in his ears.
“It speaks!” Park squealed, stepping back.
“Of course it does, you moron…” Adrian said, tapping on his left wrist. “They’re intelligent, 0.7 points.”
“Oh. Hi, suit. How do I call you?” Park said to this own wrist.
The suit laughed. “I can hear you just fine anywhere, you don’t have to do that. Well, this is my first deployment. How would you like to call me?”
Park tapped his chin. The suit had morphed to cover it, protecting him fully from a lot of things, he’d learnt during training. “How about, Fart?”
The suit laughed again. “Because of the morphing process, right? Sure, why not, Park. Call me Fart.”
Park perked up. “Okay, Fart, what can you do?”
He instantly regretted that as an endless list of capabilities and specs scrolled in his HUD.
“Stop, Fart, stop. What can you do in regards to this case?”
“Well, I can change my surface to deflect laser weapons, here,” Fart said and turned into a mirror.
Park looked down at his hands and body, he was reflective all over, but still had full mobility. “Cool!”
“Are you done fooling around?” Adrian said.
“Yeah, just getting acquainted with Fart.”
“With who? You know what, nevermind. Let’s just get to the surface. Come on, rookie, follow me.”
Adrian started walking and Park’s legs simply moved of their own volition. “Argh! What is happening?” Park squealed, his body moving on its own.
Fart’s voice was calm. “Don’t be alarmed, Park. Your trainer has slaved this suit to his own and set a ‘follow’ command.”
“This is weeeird…” Park said, still following his trainer.
They reached the airlock. “Here, we’re gonna drop to the planet, the suits will handle everything.”
“D-Drop?” Park stuttered. “But we’re in orbit!”
“Don’t be a pussy, Park…” his trainer said and slapped the airlock’s button. It opened and he stepped inside, dragging Park behind him like a dog on an invisible tether.
“Would you like a sedative?” Fart asked.
“No. I don’t take drugs,” Park snapped back, feeling very scared.
“Time for planetfall, rookie,” Adrian said and opened the controls. He raised a red cover and pressed it, then punched in a code.
Park turned towards the outer hull. The airlock cycled and the outer doors opened, the ship farting them out into space.
He screamed the entire trip to the ground, but Fart was kind enough to mute the comms.